Updating your home (continued)

5) Paint over oak baseboards, trim, cabinets, etc.

Oak woodwork is so, so outdated, unless it is original quarter sawn oak from the 1800s or early 1900s. Oak has a tendency to make a house feel very dark and dingy. To brighten up the house or simply to update it, consider painting over the oak. This can be very, very time consuming and messy, and people like my grandfather would squawk "This is heresy," but the outcome will be pleasing now, in the short term, and more likely to stay in style, in the long run.

In case you are wondering what "quarter sawn" oak is, allow me please to digress for a minute to explain it. "Tiger oak" is what my grandfather always called this wood. Mom said it must be because the grain, in places, resembles the beautiful parallel stripes of a tiger. I googled it, and Mom was right. Quarter-sawing means cutting a log the long way, in four pieces, so that the tree rings will produce a vertical pattern with a  uniform grain. Cabinet makers have prized this method of cutting oak because it produces boards with a "wonderful medulliary-ray figuring," http://barnyardgazette.blogspot.com/2007/09/what-is-quarter-sawn-oak.html, or in other words, wood that resembles tiger fur. The face of a quarter-sawn oak board will not have the big, ugly, swirling grain of plain-sawn oak. Ever notice faces staring at you from ugly oak doors? I see weird images in the grain of cheap oak. The grain of quarter-sawn oak, however, is a series of lines that are close together and straight. Sometimes the grain is wavy and interlocked, but it is never the hideous, wavy, far-apart lines that drive a person like me crazy. The reason people stopped producing this beautiful wood trim for homes is that you will not get as many boards from the log, and the boards will be narrower than you would get with plain sawing, and that means the cost of the wood goes up. Cheap, cheap, cheap is the look of homes built after the second world war. The beautiful homesof the 1920s ended with the Great Depression in the 1930s and World War II in the 1940s. People no longer had money for a big house, much less a house with expensive wood trim.


http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS4HVpu8kFLAerkDh5MEhtmjlG7LQRtslMVX2BAvtMjuAdiXPSCRCOW-NQ6


http://www.blocktops.com/uploads/craftart/imageflow/Red.Oak.Open%20Grain.Plank.jpg

I would bet you do not need me to label the photos. You are sure to notice the color is better, too, with quarter-sawn oak, because people used a darker stain years ago, while oak today is all too often a lighter honey color.

http://www.amishhandcraftedheirlooms.com/images/quarter-sawn.jpg

Another way to look at this is to consider that quartering a log to reveal the best grain is the opposite of quartering an apple. If you quarter an apple, you get this:

http://www.ceskapozice.cz/sites/default/files/imagecache/full_size_content_image/apple_stars_c_blytheraw.com_.jpg

But if you regular-saw (cut in half the other way) you reveal the inner star of the apple:

There is no way to turn your ugly oak doors and trim into tiger oak, but you can paint the outdated wood. To start the big job of giving new life to old, boring wood trim, you will have to grab a pry bar and remove the baseboards and trim. Roll up your sleeves, consider investing in a mask, and begin the dusty job of sanding the wood. There is no just getting out of this step, because in order for the paint to stick, the wood has to be roughed up. If you leave behind any varnish or stain, the paint will not adhere. Sand paper can be purchased at any of the following stores: Lowes, Home Depot, Menard's, even WalMart or Target, the nearest hardware store, and many more. It is also relatively cheap. When doing baseboards, my dad said he would use rough sand paper. I would take that to mean you should use the roughest sand paper you can buy. This will make the job go much more quickly and efficiently. You might think an electric sander would be the quickest way to go. However, the boards are often too narrow for anything but old-fashioned hand work. If you have the money, and the oak is just that flimsy, cheap-looking 1980s junk, you might consider throwing it out and buying new woodwork. Even if you buy cheap pine that is already coated with white primer, it will look more expensive than grainy oak.

Next, after you have finished sanding, prime the baseboards and trim. Primer looks like a can of white paint, and it is just as messy. After you have finished priming, paint with an off-white/creamy white. Go with an eggshell or semi-gloss finish to make cleaning easier, as a matte finish will be much harder to keep clean. When choosing a paint, purchase one that is meant for painting wood paneling, baseboards, doors, trim, etc. Again, this can be found at just about any home improvement store. You can use either a paint brush or a can of spray paint (spray paint usually works better because you will not see any brush strokes).

Once you have finished painting, it is time to put the baseboards and trim back on the windows or where the floor meets the wall. Then you are done and can enjoy the fresh new look.

Here is an example where oak woodwork is acceptable because it is original to the house and is quarter sawn (we will not mention the hideous carpet):


Example of extremely ugly, unacceptable, outdated oak woodwork (be sure to note the stupid parquet floor, another el-cheapo shortcut):



Now it is your turn to decide...Which do you think looks better? Left (Before) or Right (After)? There is no question in my mind that "After" is elegant and will not go out of style.




6) Replace outdated hardware.

Brass door knobs are a thing of the past. They are ugly and outdated, but they are still seen everywhere. I do not need to post a picture because if you think about it, your own home is probably full of brass door knobs. If you have door knobs like the one show below, I want to see your house.

 To give your doors an update, consider replacing them with oil-rubbed bronze or pewter. If you want to replace door knobs in an old house with character, buy antique door knobs or replicas. House of Antique Hardware or Home Depot carry good replicas. Door knobs with back plates add lots of character, but most door knobs today do not come with back plates, so the only option is to buy antiques or replicas, but both can be very pricey. Most replicas start at $100 per door knob! If you are lucky, you can find some authentic ones for slightly less, but good luck.

Here is an example of a fantastic replica, but it is very pricey:



7) Replace outdated light fixtures.

Outdated ceiling fans or light fixtures (such as the lights above bathroom vanities) can really date a home. For an updated look, replace them with something more modern.

Here is an example of an outdated light fixture:



It is now almost midnight, and I must submit this blog. Next week, I promise to continue.

Admit it. You just cannot wait to see what a better light fixture would look like!

See you next week!!
   

My Birthday

Despite what I said about birthdays in my last post, and the fact that I would have been perfectly content to stay home watching The Vampire Diaries and eating Kraft Mac and Cheese, my brother managed to make my seventeenth birthday a pleasant surprise. Not with gifts, but with something better.

Mom had already baked a second birthday cake for me, not knowing we would be in Iowa City with Miles to eat it. The first cake she baked was on the wrong day, when Claire sneaked home to surprise me almost a week early, knowing she'd be unable to get away from classes at Iowa State on the right day. We went out to dinner that night and had a lot of fun. When December 6 came around, my birthday seemed to have come and gone already. I was on the sofa thinking about Mac and Cheese when Miles called me to say Happy Birthday--and to invite us to a live jazz concert at the Englert in Iowa City. Mom said, "It's too late. It's a school night!" I told her I had already promised Miles that I would come even if it meant being out past midnight on a school night, even though I still had to shower, even though I still hadn't finished my homework. Dad backed me up in this last minute decision to go see Miles's friends playing their original compositions. It was totally spur-of-the-moment. Miles had called, and within fifteen minutes, we were on the road, rushing to beat the clock and get there before the concert began. Mom said, "I forgot my cell phone." Dad said, "Too bad," even though we had only just backed out of the garage. Then, "The gas tank is empty," he said. "We have to stop for gas." He put in a few gallons on the way, late as we were. He didn't lecture me about driving around with an almost-empty tank. Birthdays have their perks.

We got lucky. How often does anyone find a parking spot in Iowa City at the Ped Mall, much less a spot within sight of our destination, the Englert? I was excited to see the marquee, the wet bricks of the streets, people on sidewalks and a feeling in the air of things happening. I especially looked forward to seeing my brother, on the actual day of my birthday, rather than some random day on the calendar that Mom might say was close enough to count--not that I minded seeing Claire a week early (better early than never!), and not that I had really expected to celebrate my birthday on a school night, and with live music, at that.

I walked on air all the way to the theater, eager to see my brother. Funny, we were on time in spite of living forty miles away and stopping for gas, but Miles was not. Of course. Typical, unorganized Miles. Dad texted him. No reply. We kept searching for him as we were taking our seats, just before the show was about to start, but he still was nowhere to be seen. Go figure.

The first song began with a jazz flute solo. I play flute, and Miles always urges me to try "Yozz Flute" (a line from some movie), so I especially enjoyed hearing this solo. Miles's classmate from high school, Michael Jarvey, looked very musician-like at the keyboard, tall, slender, long-haired and brooding. The other guys could have passed for Rockwell engineers, but they played great jazz, and wrote it themselves. After seeing the band play two songs, my dad FINALLY got a text message from my brother. Where was he? Of all the nights for Mom to leave her cell phone behind--Miles had texted her, of course, telling us to hurry to a cafe called Teaspoons instead. He playing a sudden gig there with a well-known trumpeter from Juilliard. Later, we learned he was just walking by the place on his way to the Englert when he looked through the window and saw Gabe Medd, the famed trumpet player. Miles had played a gig with him once before when Gabe was in town. Of course he had to rush in, and Gabe just invited him to jump in and do improv on the upright bass, and of course Miles wouldn't say no, even if was on his way to meet his sister on her birthday.

We didn't know all that yet. We only knew we had to suffer the embarrassment of walking out on the Englert concert the moment one song ended and before the next one began. I felt so rude for walking out because they were such fantastic musicians and they were my brother's friends, but we had to head over to the cafe where my brother was playing.

When we got there the place was packed with so many people there was nowhere to sit, let alone stand. But I was happy to see my brother and hear him play. I didn't recognize any of the songs. After the last song of the night, Gabe Medd lowered his trumpet and said "Happy Birthday to Mariel, the sister of our fine upright bass player." What? I blinked, looked at Miles, who smiled, and at Gabe, who had just played Happy Birthday on his jazz trumpet, and I did not even realize that was what they were playing until after they were done? My sneaky brother got a brilliant trumpet player to dedicate "Happy Birthday" to me, and because it sounded so jazzy and different from the actual song, I missed it! That wasn't what upset me about this night, though.

What really upset me was that even though so many people had crowded into this cozy little cafe to watch these extremely talented Juilliard musicians on a cold winter's night, I was the only one to put money in the tip jar. How sad and disappointing.

After watching Miles play, we went to eat dinner at the Sheraton hotel where my brother works as a bell hop. Although it was after nine o'clock at night, I still ordered a huge cheeseburger with fries and a Shirley Temple. The food was delicious. Miles splurged and ordered a $23 capon, even though it was still expensive his 25-percent employee discount. I had a great time celebrating my birthday with my family. After finishing our meals, we went to my brother's apartment to celebrate with the second cake that my mom had made earlier that day. Miles' roommates were also there to sing Happy Birthday and eat cake with us.

When we left Iowa City, it was really late. I still had to shower and get ready for bed. By the time I actually got done with all these things and jumped into bed, my seventeenth birthday was officially over. It was probably after 2 a.m. on a school night. But that did not matter. I had a great time. I had told Miles I would go see him even if I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m. -- and that is exactly what happened. But if being able to spend time with my brother meant losing a few hours of sleep, who cared. It was worth it. Even if I never did finish my homework that night. (Shh, don't tell my mom.)

Next time he gets a famous musician to play Happy Birthday for me, though, I hope I recognize the tune.

Birthdays

Today is my seventeenth birthday. Does it feel any different to me than any other day? No, not really. My mom has always felt the same way. While Dad and my brother Miles seemed to accept that about her, my sister Claire and I kept trying to get Mom excited about her birthday and buy at least a few gifts. She would always reply, “Trust me. I don’t want anything.” We did. The next year, she'd say, “Don’t you dare even THINK of buying me gifts.” I would ask her if she was excited and she would reply, “No. I don't let the calendar dictate to me what I should do." She never wants to go out on Mother's Day or Valentine's Day, the busiest days of the year at restaurants. Nothing wrong with going a different day, she says, and that's only if she caves into the pressure of celebrating some occasion because the calendar says so. Worse, she hates anything that Hallmark is promoting. No one is to buy her cards or trinkets if it is expected due to some date on a calendar. For years I kept trying to show her that cards and gifts are fun, and I would get annoyed by her attitude, but on my seventeenth birthday, I realized I feel the same way.

Who decided to make birthdays become such a big deal? I realize I would not be alive today if not for the miracle of entering this world on December 6, but I don’t understand why we have come to expect so many gifts or spend so much money on expensive birthday parties. Birthdays are a time to celebrate being alive and spend time with our families, not be little divas complaining about not getting enough presents or not having everything go exactly our way. So many people spend SO much money on cutesy little hallmark cards, expensive gift wrapping, and elaborate cakes from the store, which taste horrible, by the way- they make look pretty, but homemade cakes are SUPERIOR. Grade school kids came to expect hiring a clown, then renting a building or time at a skating rink or the Play Station. Parents spend time and money buying party favors as gifts for the guests, silly hats, noise makers, and themed cups, plates and napkins--the list goes on and on. Adults are no better. Women get mad at husbands for not buying roses and taking them out for expensive dinners. 

Why can’t we just enjoy the fact that we are alive and have friends and family to celebrate with? Why does everything have to be so commercialized? Why do we have to spend as much money as possible and get every expensive item we want in order to be happy? If you ever discover the answer, please let me know. Otherwise, wish me a happy birthday and be done with it.

(Word Count: 482)

Ways to update/add value to your home

1. Paint the walls

This is an easy and inexpensive way to completely change the look of a room. If you are feeling rather bold, don’t be afraid to use color! Although neutral colors are better for resale, if you are not moving anytime soon, go bold. If you are planning on selling in the near future, go with a neutral color palette, such as shades of white, gray, or beige. (By the way, gray is the new beige- you see it everywhere now.) There are many great brands of paint, some more expensive than others, but all will get the job done. I personally always paint with Valspar from Lowes. It gives great coverage with only one coat, especially if you purchase the paint-and-primer-in-one. They also have a great collection of historic colors if you are going for a timeless, older, or vintage look. Some other great brands include Benjamin Moore (found at Ace Hardware), Behr (found exclusively at home depot), or Sherwin Williams (its own separate store). I personally have never painted a room with the Martha Stewart collection of paints, but there is a handy feature in her collection where she has already labeled different colors that work well together with stars, moons, etc. so you can easily find colors that work well together. As I mentioned, simply painting the walls can completely change the look and feel of a room. Many buyers go to open houses and see bright red walls and are instantly turned-off. This makes the house much more difficult to sell. But with a simple paint job, buyers will be able to see the potential of the house and can visualize themselves living in it and personalizing the home to make it their own.




2.  Invest in hardwood floors

Every buyer today seems to want flowing hardwoods throughout the house, but they can be pricey  Carpets attract dirt, look dingy, and do not last long. They also are bad for people with allergies because of all the dirt and dust particles they collect. But not all hardwood floors are expensive. If you have icky carpets in your home, it’s time to throw them out or sell them on Craig’s List for landlords to use if they are not in too bad of condition (You would be surprised how quickly they will sell). My dad and I recently tore up our old sea foam-green rug in the living room and put it up for sale on Craig’s List for about seventy five dollars. Within only a day or so we had multiple offers and people interested in the rug. We ended up selling it to a landlord for fifty dollars, but continued to receive emails from people interested in it for weeks and weeks after it had already been sold. We replaced the rug with hardwood floors from Lumber Liquidators. We went with a four-inch wide, prefinished natural maple. Even though it is not the hardest wood you can by, we installed it anyway for its beauty since it won’t be getting much traffic in the living room anyway. Lumber Liquidators is a terrific source for inexpensive yet high quality hardwood floors. There are many selections of woods to choose from. If you look on the clearance rack, you can get a high quality wood floor for fewer than two dollars per square foot! Now what’s pricy about that? My best advice for sellers is to invest in hardwood floors. They add so much warmth and richness to a home and make the space feel so much larger. Believe me, you can find great deals out there if you just look. And if you’re looking to save even more money, install the floors yourself. It is actually a lot easier than you might think. My dad has never hired anything done on our house. He does all the projects himself, which saves us a LOT of money and we also don’t have to rely on workers to get the job done well and on time. We can work by our own schedule and plan things out carefully to ensure the outcome is exactly the way we want it. When choosing your floor, go for something wider than three inches. Narrower floors are outdated unless they are less than 2 1/4 inches wide.

 

 3. Update the kitchen 

All buyers today want stainless steel appliances. I am not exactly sure why; I personally think they are hard to keep clean, but maybe that's just me. It will be worth the investment. It is actually a fact that remodeling kitchens and bathrooms adds the most resale value to a home. Another great way to update your kitchen without spending a lot of money is to paint the cabinets. White kitchens are very in-style right now, but they are also a timeless look that will never go out of style. White cabinets also brighten up a room. Natural stone counter tops are also very popular. White carrera marble is very popular right now. It is beautiful and looks great with white cabinets, but granite is usually a better option because it can withstand heat much better than marble. Marble is also very pricey. But wood counter tops also look very nice if you cannot afford a natural stone and tend not to go out of style. As long as you seal the wood with a mineral oil, you should not have any problems with having a wood counter top. If you want to add style to your kitchen, install a backsplash. They are usually very affordable and come in a wide variety of materials and colors. Tile backsplashes are the most common because they are durable, easy to wipe clean, and can be easily customized. Tiles come in all shapes, sizes, and colors and can be configured into a one-of-a-kind backsplashes. 





4. Update the bathroom

-As I mentioned earlier, kitchen and bathroom renovations add the most value to a home. If you have outdated fixtures or vinyl floors, it's time for an update. Vinyl is cheap and extremely difficult to keep clean. Porcelain tiles are very durable and usually inexpensive. In fact, many porcelain tiles are made to look like natural stones such as travertine and they are actually pretty convincing. If you want a travertine floor in your bathroom but think you cannot afford it, you'd be surprised what great deals are out there. At the Home Depot, you can get travertine for under $2 a square foot! Natural stones are always a beautiful option and they look very luxurious and expensive. When installing new fixtures, stay away from brass! Brass is very outdated. Instead, go for oil-rubbed bronze, pewter, or chrome. You can also update your bathroom by replacing the knobs on the cabinet doors. For extra storage, add a medicine cabinet above the toilet, such as allen + roth 24-3/4" wood surface mount medicine cabinet from Lowe's. To store extra toilet paper, try Interdesign 4-Roll Reserve from Target.

       

All State Auditions Mystify Me Again

Over the weekend, Kennedy High School choir students left for Oelwein on a yellow school bus to audition for the Iowa All-State Festival after months and months of hard work and preparation. The day had finally come! We spent most of it sitting in a high school gymnasium for hours and hours on the hard benches of bleachers. From experience I knew what to expect and I brought a good book to read, but I quickly grew bored with it and wished I had brought my backpack with all my homework to do, even if  I had already brought one heavy bag and did not need an 85-pound pack full of books to shlep around and injure my back, no doubt right before my audition would come up.

The clock ticked. Our group of four finally stood before the judges and sang excerpts from this year's All State music. A stupid, lame version of "Skip to My Lou" and the annual "O Beautiful, for Spacious Skies" broke free of our tense vocal cords. How were we doing? To me, we sounded pretty good. My voice was tired from getting up at 4 a.m., meeting for breakfast at Perkins at 5 a.m., and singing more than I probably should have all week long. But I made it in last year, and this year should be even easier.

Tick, tick, tick.

Different people were recalled. That is the worst feeling, as I found out freshman year. If you were tired or tense before, you'll be ten times worse when you go back to those judges, who are not sure about you, or they wouldn't have asked to hear you again, all alone this time. Sight-read and sing, SOLO, for people who just were not convinced the first time around that you should be in.

I did not get recalled. That could mean two things: I was out. I was in. No second chances now.

Tick, tick....

Two members of our quartet found their names on the list on the cafeteria wall. They made it!

Tick, tick...

My name did not show up.

Five other girls from Kennedy who made it last year also did not make it this year, either. Mr. Armstrong told us we all sounded great, and there was no explaining or understanding why this year we were not chosen.

Well, the time we spent preparing was not a total waste. The process is an experience in and of itself. Meeting every week for two months with three other people, singing together, working on timing and blending our voices, is never a total waste of time.

I really didn't want to miss another day or more of school anyway, after two weddings in one month -- five days to Connecticut and back on Labor Day weekend; four days for the Nebraska wedding, the first weekend of October -- and  five sick days in between weddings.

And really: Skip to My Lou?

Maybe next year the music will be worth singing, and I will get in once more. If not, I don't really care.

Tomorrow night I have to go to Iowa City to audition for a different honor choir. Like the annual All State concert every November, this concert is every February, near Valentine's Day, and it is conducted by ISU's Dr. James Rodde. Last year I sang at both All State in November and Honor Choir in February. This year I hope I will at least get to do the concert in February.

I auditioned for last year's concert on very short notice during the school day at Xavier. The piano accompanist said I would be up soon, and what song was I singing? I had no idea! Thinking fast, I named a Mozart song I had been listening to on You-Tube. The pianist said "Phew! That one is easy to play and I already know it." We walked in to the audition. Together for the first time, she played, I sang.--and the funny thing is, I made it in, with no preparation or practice or time to worry about how I would do.

This year I am at Kennedy, not Xavier, and Dr. Rodde does not come to Kennedy for us to audition. Only one or two Kennedy students a year even try out for it. I am not sure why that is, but my mom got an appointment for tomorrow night's audition at City High. My piano accompanist will be Younjung, a music major from Kore and a friend of my brother Miles. I have never met her before. The audition is at 9:15 p.m. That is very late in the day for a singer, but one good thing is that I won't have to get up at 4 a.m., ride a bus, sit in a gym all day and wait, wait, wait for my turn to audition and wait, wait, wait all day for the results.

I might wait up to a week for the results! The teacher will announce Dr. Rodde's decisions.

I am not nervous.

Really! I'm not the least bit nervous!!!

Wish me luck.

Forever 21 Boycott

In Spanish IV, both yesterday and today, we watched a video about immigrants working in the garment factories of Los Angeles, California. The workers complained that they were being treated unfairly and the working conditions were inhumane. They were making clothing for the company, Forever 21, working twelve hours a day with very little pay, if any at all. One woman made a thirteen dollar shirt but only got paid nineteen cents in return. Many workers were not even making  minimum wage and did not get paid for working overtime. These immigrants thought that by coming to the United States, they would live a better life and provide a better future for their children. They ask for nothing more than to care for their families, but they cannot even accomplish this.

Finally, the workers decided to take a stand. They went to a community center where they were reminded that they had rights and did not have to put up with such injustice. The garment factory workers went on strike and formed protests, boycotting Forever 21 for months and months to no avail. Still, after more than a year had passed, nothing had been accomplished. People had given up hope. They were tired of shouting through mega phones and losing their voices, hearing rude comments from other people on the streets, and being ignored. Letters were written to the headquarters of Forever 21 and its president, but the only response was that Forever 21 had no proof that these people were working for their company. The workers even went to the president of the company's home to protest but the man ignored them and drove off. Even when the case was brought court, the trial was dismissed.

After over a year of working to end the mistreatment through protests, boycotts, and trials, an agreement was finally reached. The workers went back to their jobs in the garment factories, but this time with fair working conditions and pay. The work day was shortened to eight hours instead of twelve and they actually were paid for overtime. One woman finally was able to care for her children, knowing now that all her efforts were not made in vain.

I personally had mixed feelings about this video. It was rather depressing to watch and a lot of the things in it angered me. At the same time it bothered me a little at the end of the video when one woman said she now going to apply for American citizenship, implying she was an illegal immigrant. I am fine with legal immigration, but I am not fine with illegal immigration. I can see why people come here illegally when they are in danger and need to provide for their families, but I do not think it is fair that they should be able to come here without waiting in line just like everyone else who wants to become an American citizen. Like I mentioned, I have mixed feelings. By no means am I saying they deserved to be treated the way they were. Absolutely not! The way they were treated was utterly despicable. All I am saying is I do not approve of illegal immigration in most cases.

Bad Church Music

This Sunday, my family went to church at Immaculate Conception at 5:30 p.m. My sister had come home from Iowa State University and Dad seemed pretty happy to have us all together for Mass. He loves Fr. Podhajsky, too, and the church itself is beautiful, with stained glass windows, vaulted ceilings and all the classical architectural details of an old church. The pews are quarter-sawn oak, stained dark, with hand carved scroll work. The fact that I am so cognizant of the wood the pews are made out of might suggest to you that I am not sufficiently getting into the Mass. There is a reason for that. Aside from my love of architecture (I am currently in a Goth phase, and by that I do not mean Goth or Emo but Gothic as in the style of castles). My appreciation for a beautiful building is not the reason I was seemingly not paying attention to the reason for being in church. If I seem to be taking forever to get to the point, there's a reason for that, too. Part of Mass is the music. Unpaid volunteers stand up there in front of hundreds of people and sing. It takes courage to do that, and a certain generosity. It also takes something I shudder to say in public. For a woman my mother's age to cantor, or lead the congregation in singing all the Mass parts, it takes a certain delusion that she is capable or qualified to do so. Maybe for elderly church goers who are hard of hearing, the music is uplifting. For people like me dad, born with nearly perfect pitch, trained for years in classical piano, listening to music like this is more painful than hearing my mother's polka so-called-music on you-tube. And yet here we were, all together as a family, except for Miles who left around noon to go to work; my sister, who left home again in August to attend college, was here on a Sunday night, and we were supposed to be celebrating Mass and praising God for all that is good, and for that matter, as Catholics, we must thank God for everything, even if it seems bad. So, by that logic, or that theology, I should have been smiling and singing joyously with great gratitude for the bad music that God had given us this Sunday night. Hallelujah! Or as the Pentecostals might say, Have Glory! It's a beautiful sunny afternoon in October. My annual fear of Oktoberfest had come and gone. My sister was home. The music--the 10-minute long responsorial song, with its 17-second-long Amen, was a wonder to behold but not to hear. Oops! I didn't mean to sound snide. God bless that dear woman who has the courage, the damaged ears, and the generosity to stand before all these people and help us celebrate God's love for humanity. Let me recount our blessings. My hair is so long and so thick, I might be able to wear ear plugs to church and get away with it. Oops again! Let's see. This organist and this cantor may be helping us to shorten our time in Purgatory by getting some of our suffering out of the way here and now, on this earth.

Al right, I give up. But I was not the only "bad Catholic" thinking this way. Mom--not I--says the singer couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. All of us, Mom, Dad, Claire and I agree that the organist never plays in the right key. It is always so much lower than it should be, no one can even sing along because it is too low for them. Both the singer and the organist cannot count, in terms of rhythm and reading music. However, as I said before, they are unpaid volunteers. We are not members of this parish, and I do cantor sometimes at our own church with my dad playing piano, and I absolutely HATE singing in front of all those people.

So, I feel a little bit evil, complaining about the Sunday night music at Immaculate Conception. On the bright side, we all must have looked happy and sincere to join everyone in saying "Thanks be to God!" when the priest said "Mass has ended. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord."